Sex and the department

What happens when a relationship between a manager and direct-report becomes more than a friendship? Nothing good…

Ever worked somewhere where the rules only apply to some? How did that end? Photo retrieved 5/15/2025 from Pixabay.com

In Seattle, relationships come and go, but in the workplace, a forbidden romance lingers like the smell of burnt popcorn in the breakroom. As Jeremy’s messes piled up and Rebecca’s emails got sharper, I couldn’t help but wonder: When does a policy violation become everyone’s problem? And more importantly, why does leadership always seem to miss the memo?

Sex and the Department isn’t just a clever play on words-it’s a cautionary tale. While the original show (Sex and the City) gave us cocktails and confessions, this story serves up something far less palatable: a toxic stew of favoritism, policy violations, erosion of trust and engagement, and organizational denial.

Despite the company’s no-nepotism policy written in bold, HR and leadership chose to look the other way, as if ignoring the obvious would make it disappear. But, like any secret in a small office, the truth had a way of leaking out-one synchronized carpool at a time.

Later that week, as I watched Jeremy and Rebecca pull into the parking lot together, yet again, I got to thinking about how quickly a “close working relationship” can turn into a department- or even organizational-wide crisis.

Rumors swirled: Did Jeremy getting a bigger raise? Was he being allowed to bulldoze his way through the team? Would he be promoted to, gulp, a supervisory role? Would Rebecca demote or even worse fire someone to put him into another position? While some questions remained unanswered, the public shaming and messes left behind were impossible to ignore. Rebecca, our manager-turned-partner-in-crime, even joined the fray, firing off scathing emails that blurred the line between fact and fiction.

It wasn’t long before the department’s dirty laundry was aired for the whole facility to see. The only thing spreading faster than the rumors was the resentment.  As the relationship became the worst-kept secret in the building, the real damage began: trust eroded, morale plummeted, and the team found themselves cleaning up more than just Jeremy’s literal messes. Suddenly, the department’s problems weren’t just whispered about-they were shouted across the organization.

Leadership, meanwhile, perfected the art of looking the other way-a skill that should probably be in the employee handbook by now. If leadership can’t enforce its own policies, what message does that send? When accountability takes a back seat to personal agendas, is it any wonder why our organizations are failing at so many things?

As the fallout continued, I couldn’t help but wonder: When those in charge refuse to enforce the rules, are they really leading at all? Or are they just letting the rest of us do damage control, one broken relationship at a time? And when will HR start to hand out Manola Blahnik's and Cosmo’s for every policy violation.