Recently, I had the opportunity to sit on a panel of women in business at my local Chamber – the Bonny Lake Collective. One of the questions asked was advice to the upcoming generation of female business owners. My answer, a bit different than my counterparts sharing practical advice, was a bit more academic, and maybe even a a bit controversial. With that, please set aside any deeply held beliefs around our current ideas of feminism as I share a different perspective.
Women broke through the glass ceiling in the mid-1980s. Big hair, shoulder pads, power suits, and mean women were iconic cultural influences at the time. Consider the role of “powerful” women in pop culture: Dallas, most of the day-time shows, Working Girl, Heathers, and so many more. These female characters were portrayed as both ruthlessly mean, and highly successful – held as examples of the tough, resilient, female leaders. This resolute style of toxic feminism became the beacon of female leadership.
But its just pop culture…it can’t mean that much can it? Actually, when we consider mirror-neurons, it becomes very clear how even pop cultural references can influence collective behavior. Research conducted by Goleman and Boyatsiz (2006) discovered mirror neurons, meaning that we develop behavior we’re exposed to, this is even more likely to happen when we see that very behavior rewarded. If you’ve ever doubted the power of tel-e-vision, consider the experience of actor Robert Young – portraying Marcus Welby, MD who was frequently stopped wherever he went and asked for medical advice!
At the same time, we were beginning to truly understand what it meant to lead, rather than manage. While managing is about a transactional relationship --do this or else, leadership is about an influence relationship. While managing is important, we need it to remain on track, on target, and on budget, but we also need leadership. Leadership differs dramatically from managing in that leaders – not by title, but by actions – are there to support their team members.
How does this relate to business today and female leaders and my response -- this is where I’m going to ask you to suspend any judgement. At the time when women advanced into leadership roles, instead of embracing the very qualities that make us female: kindness, nurturing, empathic, compassionate, keepers of the culture, we endeavored to become … better men. Ultimately, this hasn’t done us any favors. We’ve been labeled as ice queens, bitches, always PMSing, and much worse.
We lack genuine leadership and our organizations, and they are struggling. We have the lowest engagement scores ever, our team members are struggling with the day to day complexities of our current geo-political-economic environment, our emerging generation is struggling with the results of the Covid 19 measures, we lack innovation and creativity, and turnover is at an all time high. Its time for a new way forward, its time for us to bring our natural, feminine traits into the workplace and demonstrate the power of leadership through kindness.
Kindness and the business-of-business do not have to be mutually exclusive. It is possible to be both kind and still hold high employee expectations. In my latest book Engaging your Employees, I layout three stories of female leaders who hold these two things in tension to provide an environment that benefited everyone.
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